I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
