FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
