We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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