Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Houston, we have a squirter
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize