I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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