She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
