why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
