That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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