im about as happy as oj after his trial
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
