alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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