Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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