I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
