I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize