I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
