i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
