You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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