if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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