There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
