she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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