Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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