it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
