your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
wow bdsm is so cute
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
