I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
