The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
