And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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