I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Two words: blizzard sex
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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