I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
