Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
