Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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