Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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