I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mom said you looked used
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
