A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
