Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i think i just lost a toe
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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