physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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