I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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