I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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