Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
