just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and she was petting her beer can
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
