went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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