Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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