We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
