Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
