either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
