Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
