Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
should my penis look like a turkey
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
