Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
