I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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