part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
