Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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