FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
