Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
