She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
