Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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