remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
