So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
