dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
