Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
