How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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