dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
