I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
