im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
