I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are the jesus of drinking
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
