OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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