Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
